Unfair Game
by General K-Star
Summary: Q has another test for the Enterprise crew. This time, they'll have to play baseball against professional teams from Earth's history. If they win a game, they go home and all is fine. If they lose all the games, though, there will be consequences...
1. The New Security Chief

AUTHOR'S WARNING: This fic throws canon out the window for the sake of story! Generations didn't happen, Enterprise-D never got destroyed, Data hasn't put in his chip yet, Worf moved to DS9 anyway. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

DISCLAIMER: Star Trek characters aren't mine. Elise Blucodet is. Tauren, Azeroth, Horde, and Alliance aren't mine, they're Blizzard's. Yes, I'm that much of a geek to be putting World of Warcraft references in a Star Trek fic :P

One more thing... Y'all might remember "Basics of Humanity," which was a story about Data being turned into a human. DISREGARD THAT FIC. I'm about to scrap it because the plot was going absolutely nowhere and I didn't like how alot of it was turning out (and from the reviews, neither did some of y'all). I think this story will work much better even though the same thing happens here in later chapters. So please, forget I ever wrote "Basics of Humanity."

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Captain's log, Stardate 49xxx.x: Since Lt. Commander Worf has transferred to Deep Space 9, we have traveled to Starbase 47 to pick up our new Chief of Security, Lt. Elise Blucodet, who is half-Tauren. The Tauren are a species from the planet of Azeroth who resemble minotaurs from ancient Earth mythology. They are well known for their strength, being almost as strong as Klingons, but fortunately they have much milder tempers.

"Energize," Picard ordered to the transporter chief. The transporter beam shimmered and brought in a rather tall woman with thick shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes. She looked very strong without being super muscular, but other than that she looked completely normal.

"Greetings, Lieutenant," Picard said, approaching Elise with an extended hand, "I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Welcome aboard."

"Hello Captain," Elise replied, shaking Picard's hand.

"And this is my first officer, Commander Will Riker," Picard continued, gesturing towards Riker, who also extended a hand.

"Hi," Elise said, shaking Riker's hand.

"Nice to meet you," Riker said, "Though I somewhat expected you to look… well…"

"More like a Tauren?" Elise finished. "Yeah, I get that a lot from people when they find out what I am. You'd be surprised exactly how much I DID inherit from my dad…" she trailed off as a long, brown cow tail swished to one side behind her. Picard and Riker hadn't noticed it there before (well, it was behind her) but they certainly noticed now.

"A tail?" Picard commented. "I must admit, you don't see too many humanoids with tails these days…"

"Yeah…" Elise sighed, "I had horns as well when I was born but thankfully mom had the doctors remove them. Dad drew the line at the tail though... said I needed something to always remind myself and others of my heritage. I tried to hide it when I was in the Academy but my fellow students found out eventually. I was teased a little at first but then everyone started to think it was actually kinda cool. That's what I love about Starfleet, y'all accept everyone for who they are and I don't feel the need to hide anything around anyone. Much better than how I was treated on Azeroth… being the spawn of two races from opposite factions despite the fact that the war between the Horde and Alliance ended decades ago."

"Ah yes," Picard said, "I've found the history of your planet to be quite fascinating. I would absolutely love to discuss this with you later, but right now I'm needed on the bridge. Commander Riker will show you to your quarters and there will be a senior staff meeting before we leave the station at 0800 hours. In the meantime, please feel free to wander around the ship and get a feel for your surroundings."

"Will do, sir," Elise replied, grabbing her luggage, which consisted of a suitcase, a duffel bag that she already had hanging by its strap from her shoulder, and a cat carrier that contained one fairly large orange cat with black stripes. The cat meowed as Elise picked up the carrier.

When everything was settled, Riker asked "Shall we?" and gestured towards the door. Elise followed him out of the transporter room and to her quarters.

"I see you brought along a companion," Riker said, looking at the cat carrier.

"Oh, yeah," Elise said, lifting the carrier a little higher. "This is Truman. He's very friendly, though he has an annoying habit of chasing my tail. He thinks it's a toy or something. At least he's been declawed."

"Really?" Riker asked. "Lt. Commander Data, our second officer, has a cat. She's not so friendly towards anyone other than Data or Lt. Barclay. And she hasn't been declawed…"

"Meow-row?" Truman meowed from inside his carrier. Clearly, he was wondering where the heck he was being taken.

"Oh hush," Elise said to the cat. "You'll be out soon enough."

And she was right. They'd finally arrived at her quarters. The door opened and Riker gestured for Elise to go inside first, which she did after thanking him.

"Hmm, nice place," Elise commented while setting down the suitcase and the carrier. She let Truman out so he could explore his new surroundings and he immediately jumped onto the couch and laid down.

Riker gave Elise a brief explanation of where everything was located, and then asked if there was anything else she needed.

"No sir, I'm good," Elise replied. "Thanks. I just gotta start unpacking."

"Very well, I'm sure you'll want this time to get settled and to get in touch with those who will be reporting to you. I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow," Riker said. He left, and Elise began unpacking while Truman wandered off to check out the rest of the room.


	2. Q's Challenge

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I know, I'm skipping a good deal of time here just to proceed with the story. I didn't want to bore those of you who want to see the real plot of the story by sidetracking everyone with some random crap about how Elise became friends with the crew. I mean really, did they ever focus much on how Yar or Worf became friends with everyone?

Also, this is my first time writing Q.

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*A few months later...*

It was just another day on the Enterprise. There wasn't much going on mission-wise, since they were on their way to observe some new scientific space phenomenon, so the crew took this opportunity to get some routine tasks done and to make good use of any free time they had for personal activities.

Picard had just gotten himself a cup of "tea, Earl Grey, hot" and sat down to read some Shakespeare when there was a flash of light, and suddenly he was somewhere else entirely; a big, open, grassy field. He saw a few more flashes as Riker, Data, Geordi, Deanna, Beverly, Elise, Barclay, and Nurse Ogawa all appeared.

Recognizing the flashes of light, Picard yelled "Q!!"

As if on cue, Q appeared. "Did you miss me, mon capitan?"

"What the hell is all this?" Picard shouted. "Where have you taken us?"

"The Continuum wants to do another little test," Q explained, "something to help them see just how much humans have improved over the years."

"I thought we'd already proven ourselves to you?" Picard asked.

"Humanity is constantly being tested," Q said. "We never stop watching you, and one of us came up with a rather amusing idea that involved a more direct approach."

"Who the hell is this guy?" Elise whispered to Data. Q overheard her.

"Ah, a new security chief, I see," Q said. "So you traded in your Klingon for a cowgirl, if you'll excuse the pun."

"Hey, unless you wanna know what it feels like to have your ass kicked by a half-Tauren I suggest you watch it!" Elise yelled, clenching her fists. The "cowgirl" joke was what had set her over the edge, having been called that name as an insult for most of her childhood.

"Lieutenant!" Picard warned.

"Hmm, quite the attitude," Q remarked. "Reminds me a bit of your first security chief." He turned to face Picard. "The Continuum wants to see just how well the Federation's flagship crew can handle themselves in a sporting event against some of the professional teams from Earth's history."

"Sounds rather harmless, especially for you," Riker commented. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," Q said, "except… well, there is one thing." He turned to face Data and Elise.

"Now then, you two… As much as it pains me to do this to you both, I'm afraid I have my orders from the Continuum to eliminate any unfair advantages you may have," Q said. He snapped his fingers and there was another flash that briefly engulfed Data and Elise.

"Oh my God!" Beverly gasped when she saw what had happened.

"Whoa…" Elise said, disoriented for a moment. She looked around at the crew. "Is it just me, or did y'all get taller all of a sudden? And why can't I feel my tail?"

Data suddenly felt weaker than he had ever been. What surprised him even more was that he could feel some emotions starting to take form, and he was concerned.

"Q, what has happened to us?" he asked, noticing the expressions on the crew's face as they looked at the two of them.

"See for yourself," Q said with a smirk. He snapped his fingers and a full-length mirror appeared in front of them.

Data and Elise were shocked when they saw their reflections. They were both normal humans now. Elise had become at least seven inches shorter and her tail was missing. Data's skin was no longer pale gold but a normal light skin tone, and his eyes were now blue instead of yellow.

"Holy cow!" Elise gasped. "I look just like my mother!"

"Q!" Data exclaimed, a hint of anger in his voice. "You have made us human! Have I not specifically told you before that I never wished for you to do this?"

"Sorry, Data, but I had my orders," Q explained. "Like I said, it truly pains me to have to turn you both into such lesser beings. But you can't tell me you're not at least fascinated by this, aren't you?"

Data fell silent. He looked at his hands, and felt his face and his hair. "I must admit," he said, "it is rather intriguing... and also quite remarkable."

"I can sense emotions from you, Data," Deanna said, stepping forward. "So many conflicting feelings. You're happy that you've finally become what you've always wanted, and at the same time sad and worried about what you might have lost."

"Yes, Counselor," Data replied. "I believe that is exactly what I am feeling at the moment."

Beverly and Nurse Ogawa both approached Data and Elise, scanning them with their tricorders. "They appear to be in perfect health," Beverly reported.

"If you wanted to eliminate any special advantages from the team, then why have you not done anything to me or Geordi?" Deanna asked.

"Because your 'advantages' are the least helpful," Q explained. "Empathy won't do you any good in sports, and while Geordi can see better than anyone it doesn't make him any more accurate. On the other hand, Data and Elise were both so physically powerful that victory would have been guaranteed in the first game if I had left them as they were. There'd be no challenge!" He looked over at Data. "If you'll notice, I haven't done anything to your intellect. Well, maybe slowed it a bit but you can still remember everything you knew as an android. And Elise still has all the personality that her Tauren half provided. I assure you, this is all only temporary. When you leave this place you will both return to your old, superior selves."

"And when do we get to leave?" Picard asked.

"Oh that's the fun part!" Q exclaimed, clapping his hands excitedly. "You're not allowed to leave until you've beaten one of the teams!"

"You mean we have to face more than one if we lose?" Riker asked. "We can't just keep playing one game after the other, Q, we'll need to rest."

"I'll take care of your accommodations, commander," Q said. He snapped his fingers and the crew found themselves inside a locker room. "There's a room with bunk beds over there," Q said, pointing to a door near the showers, "and that door over there leads to the playing field." He pointed to a door near the end of the row of lockers. "And in case one of you gets injured, there's a little room over there with some basic medical equipment. There's also a replicator so you don't starve to death if you keep losing."

"Q, we cannot spend the rest of our lives here losing a sport!" Picard said angrily. "What if we refuse?"

"Oh come now, Jean-Luc, you know I can't take no for an answer," Q said. He thought for a brief moment. "Tell you what: Five games. No more than that. If you win one, you'll be returned to your ship, right when and where you had left it, and everything will be back to normal. If you lose all five, however, or refuse to play… there will be consequences."

"What consequences?" Picard asked.

"You'll all be returned to your ship, but Data and Elise will be forced to live the rest of their lives as normal humans," Q answered with an evil grin. "Surely just as much of a punishment for a crew who depends on their abilities as a punishment to themselves."

"WHAT?!" Elise yelled. "That ain't right!"

"I would have to agree with her," Data added, clearly frustrated with Q's idea of a consequence. "I may have wanted this all my life, but I could not handle it knowing you were the one who did this to me."

"Oh quiet, you'll adapt," Q snapped. "It's not like I've caused either of you any harm. Your own doctor said that you're both in perfect health."

"And exactly what sport will we be playing?" Picard asked.

"A personal favorite of mine," Q replied. "Most of your little competitions are so dull, but I happen to really like baseball, so that's what you will be playing! So, I'll just leave you all to figure out what positions you'll take… Ah, one more thing," he snapped his fingers and the crew was now dressed in baseball uniforms that consisted of a blue shirt, blue hat, and gray pants. The shirts had the name "Enterprise" written on front in a stylish font with a randomly assigned jersey number below and to the right of it, and each person had their surname (or in Data's case, their only name) as well as their number on the back. Their hats had a combadge design embroidered on the front.

"There! You'll find equipment in the lockers. If you'll excuse me, I have to go travel through time and space to find teams for you to play. Feel free to take this opportunity to practice. Have fun!"

And with that, Q poofed out of the locker room.


End file.
